How to Relate to Everyone

Why in the world would you study yourself? It’s a lifelong project trying to understand your friends, your partner, your family, your enemies. If you’re working so hard to comprehend how to have better relationships, then why spend so much time on your Triangle Pose, your outer ankle bone, your chattery mind, your uneven breath?

There are only 10 yamas and niyamas in the Yoga Sutras. Ten ingredients in Patanjali’s recipe for a happier life through yoga philosophy. Of the 5 niyamas - the ones that shine a light on your everyday behavior - why is one of them svadhyaya (self-study)?

Somewhat different than the yogis’ goal of growing happiness is the Buddhist teachings - direct about reducing suffering. Knowing the causes of your suffering and your habitual reactions reduces suffering. Full awareness of the anger or delusion welling up inside you during a turmoil-inducing situation leads, eventually, to reduced suffering. In a steady mind state, there is nothing to fear. Events that require a reaction will do just that, no anticipation needed.

In asana (the poses), you explore the annamaya kosha (physical body layer). Practicing breath work penetrates the pranamaya kosha (breath layer). In meditation, the mind and wisdom layers. On all levels, you’re engaged in svadhyaya. You’re sketching a forest inside you where happiness springs from yoga’s underground river and suffering is diminished by the raindrops of mindfulness.

Those who serve others without diminishing themselves report back that doing so makes them feel happy. Our treatment of our co-workers, siblings, friends, waitresses, taxi drivers, immigrants, schoolteachers, Olympic athletes, rabbits, prairie dogs and lambs serves to increase our own happiness and decrease our own suffering. Though it may seem selfish, the mechanism through which this treatment of other beings arises is self-study.

With svadhyaya, the ego is let go and this self you’ve been studying falls away to reveal the Atman, the soul. With your soul revealed, how could you not relate to everyone in the whole wide world? To connect with all around you, near and far, the ancient yogis knew to begin practicing by looking at yourself.