Yourself, Right Now, Just As You Are

I was surprised to receive a handful of responses to my writing from last week, because I usually receive none. I felt a real connection to you yogis dealing with anxiety. It's like we speak the same language. Oh wait, we do - the language of yoga. I'm making a list of ways yoga helps with anxiety. One point stood out to me. Yoga asks you for nothing but yourself, right now, as you are.

In my life, I've judged my anxiety. I thought I was less-than for having it. I thought everyone else was fine while I was freaking out inside. So I love this quality of yoga. All I have to be is what I am, at this very moment. I don't have to plan for or worry about what I'll be in the future. I don't have to gain anything, shed anything or do anything. I don't even have to be a less anxious person. Yoga takes me just as I am. And what's more, it shows me the beauty in what I am. All of what I am - including the imperfect, ugly, suffering and scary parts. Sometimes it's hard to call it beauty - but it makes what I am okay.

Getting on my mat each day is like stepping into a laboratory. When a scientist enters her lab, she creates hypotheses, run tests, gathers results and discusses those results. She doesn't attach to the results, even if there's hope for a desired one. It's the same with yoga. You gather your materials - your body, mind and spirit - and go onto your mat. What comes of your time on the mat is of no interest to the rest of the world. On my mat, I can let go of what I think I'm supposed to be and I can be what I am right now. I can let go of labels I'm afraid of - "anxious person" - or feel I need to be - "calm cool yoga teacher" (even scarier). I can study, run tests, gather results and discuss, all within the confines of my lab.

At the end of the practice, I roll up my mat and go into my life with the knowledge I have gained. No pressure, no judgment, no attachment. I know I've had a good practice when I feel like I went into a cocoon and forgot about the rest of the world and its pressures for a time. This is a better barometer than how much I sweat or how close I came to conquering the canon of yoga poses. For that time on my mat, I was able to be myself, my true suffering self. And it turned out to not be so bad.

Yoga has a way of seeing through the bull----. I know it knows. I know there's no point in trying to fool it. Yoga asks you for nothing but yourself. But it also demands that you bring yourself, bumps and bruises ablazing, and look at it all. And what yoga shows you is that you are enough, right now, just as you are.